If someone were to ask you "What is the one most important thing in your life?" What would your answer be? Your honey? Your kids? Your job? Your car? Your iPod? The correct answer for the big bucks here is YOU!
While my iPod is up there at the top of the list, I am my most prized possession these days. Think about it. Without you being in some kind of healthy, functioning shape, all of these other areas of your life are going to fall apart. Believe me, I know this from experience!
Having had way too much up close and personal experience with narcissists in my life, I used to think this was selfish and wanted to be nothing like it. I proved with gusto that you attract those people with the qualities you need to develop the most. I took giving to a whole new, sick level. I put others' wants and needs way before my own so much so that I ended up really angry and resentful because the whole time I was doing what they wanted, I was boiling inside and grumbling not very nice words under my breath. And I know a few.
I have finally realized that usually the other person could care less and there was not any shiny medal for my act of self sacrifice. I once drove straight through from Florida to North Carolina with a 3 month old infant and a 3 year old toddler in the car...peeing in a diaper which I held let me just clarify (although the visual of me driving a car in a diaper does make me laugh)...now that takes some talent...while my then spouse drove another car by himself comfortably listening to tunes and stopping for potty breaks.
While making yourself a priority also can be taken to the extreme of being a pure schmuck, it is healthy to be a little bit selfish and to learn to get comfortable with saying "No" and setting some boundaries for yourself. I have even gotten good at it.
My brain injury was actually a blessing in disguise here as it forced me to put myself first. I had to become very self centric to recover. I had to have the self discipline to do the things and make the choices which are good for me and my brain and say "No, thanks" to the people and the things that maybe are fun, but are not going to get me where I want to go.
I used to like my red wine. Now I am not ruling out out having a glass at some point in the future. The idea of becoming a tee totaller is just too bleak. However, about a year ago, I had two glasses of wine the night before and did nuerofeedback, a therapy which trains the brainwaves, the next morning. My brain told on me. She said "It looks like you have a fresh brain injury!" I just sat there looking like the cat that ate the canary and did not say a word. Ever since then, it's just is not worth it to me to drink any alcohol.
My daily life now reflects my honoring myself. I put healthy things in my body. I take supplements. I get lots of sleep. I make time to exercise every day. Some days vacuuming the house counts as my cardio. Hey, I work up a sweat! I meditate daily. I call this my healing time, and I really think it has been. If I do not do it even for one day, I can really tell a difference. I do brain training every day in addition to my own speech therapy which is learning Spanish...hola!... and reading out loud. I also have learned to decline many requests for my time and attention in order to do these things.
You get the picture. While I have been accused of having OCD which may be a little bit true, I prefer to think of it as having self discipline. These are the ways in which I tell myself and the world that I am important. I am recovering from a brain injury and getting myself mentally and spiritually healthy, someone already there might not have to be so militant.
It is true, you teach everybody else how to treat you and, in general, no one is going to treat you any better than you treat yourself. Are you teaching people to treat you like some Godiva chocolate or a Seven Eleven slurpee?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
A Japanese Ham Sandwich
It is hot. I get all sweaty. I wear as little clothing as possible. When I am finished, my body is tired, but also feels strong and revitalized. My mind is calm and peaceful, yet alert and rejuvenated. I do it 3 or 4 times a week. No, it is not that! It is Bikram yoga also known as hot yoga.
Bikram yoga is 90 minutes of Hatha yoga in a room heated to 105 degrees and with 40% humidity. Most people's idea of a hell on earth, huh? A class consists of 26 postures with very long, hard to say Indian names, but with simplified American descriptions like "Japanese ham sandwich." The idea behind it being so hot is that it increases flexibility and decreases the risk of injury and allows a person to rework their body. Think of the analogy of a sword. Cold, it is rigid and inflexible, but heat it up and you have something pliable with which you can work and shape.
The heat and humidity does make you sweat, but that is a good thing. Really. When I am finished, I look like I have been swimming. I have chuckled to myself during class because when I was supposed to be focusing on my breath, I was having visions of a tacky Will Ferrell movie where the props guys had cut corners and used a water hose to simulate sweat ridiculously pouring off. All the sweat is an incredible detoxification through the largest organ in the body...the skin. I leave the room cleaner than when I went in. Can't say I smell better though.
Because over 90 pills went entirely through my system when I tried to commit suicide, detoxing was pretty high on my list. When I first started doing hot yoga, I would feel mentally clearer after each class. I did a challenge where I did 60 classes in 60 days. Unknowingly, it was probably the best thing I could have done to get the residual drugs out of my body. You think I am crazy? We just had a girl in my studio complete 365 classes in 365 days.
She says the same thing that I do. Bikram yoga has transformed my life. It has aided me in recovering from my brain injury physically as well as mentally and encouraged me to adopt a healthier, kinder, gentler perspective towards life and myself.
Muscle tension is a side effect of a brain injury. For the longest time, my hands were clenched like claws. While my writing still looks like chicken scratch, my hands have relaxed. My speech was greatly impaired. I believe this was largely due in part to clenching my jaws. Think Thurston Howell. Oh, Lovey! My jaws have really relaxed, but I am not quite Gilligan yet.
Over the two years I have been doing it since my brain injury, Bikram yoga has greatly helped to improve my balance. At first, with my eyes open, the room would spin. Now, I am steady and can do a mighty impressive impersonation of a flamingo.
The one most crucial thing stressed in yoga is the breath. The class begins and ends with breathing exercises to increase the lung capacity and strengthen the lungs. I am constantly reminded to concentrate on my breath. This is harder than you would think. As a result of my pill popping, I also sustained an "acute lung injury" whatever that means. All I know is that I used to not be able to breathe and talk at the same time. It has greatly helped this, and I don't gasp mid sentence anymore.
Bikram yoga encourages the heart and lungs to be friends and to work together like originally designed. It is proven to increase the oxygen levels in the blood and to improve the circulation which are both something I greatly needed in my recovery.
Anyone can benefit from Bikram yoga. It has been shown to be helpful in aiding sleep, regulating the appetite, stabilizing moods, decreasing stress, reducing and alleviating pain and more. Because of its super detoxification benefits, people doing chemotherapy have found it to be very helpful. Also, because one class burns around 800 calories, it is a great way to keep those weight loss/get fit New Year's resolutions.
So, if you thought yoga was a bunch of flower children, burning incense, relaxing and stretching while chimes play in the background, think again. This is rigorous, physical exercise. It is not pretty, but it is sooo good. When you are finished, you feel like you have accomplished something. You are just not sure what.
Bikram yoga is 90 minutes of Hatha yoga in a room heated to 105 degrees and with 40% humidity. Most people's idea of a hell on earth, huh? A class consists of 26 postures with very long, hard to say Indian names, but with simplified American descriptions like "Japanese ham sandwich." The idea behind it being so hot is that it increases flexibility and decreases the risk of injury and allows a person to rework their body. Think of the analogy of a sword. Cold, it is rigid and inflexible, but heat it up and you have something pliable with which you can work and shape.
The heat and humidity does make you sweat, but that is a good thing. Really. When I am finished, I look like I have been swimming. I have chuckled to myself during class because when I was supposed to be focusing on my breath, I was having visions of a tacky Will Ferrell movie where the props guys had cut corners and used a water hose to simulate sweat ridiculously pouring off. All the sweat is an incredible detoxification through the largest organ in the body...the skin. I leave the room cleaner than when I went in. Can't say I smell better though.
Because over 90 pills went entirely through my system when I tried to commit suicide, detoxing was pretty high on my list. When I first started doing hot yoga, I would feel mentally clearer after each class. I did a challenge where I did 60 classes in 60 days. Unknowingly, it was probably the best thing I could have done to get the residual drugs out of my body. You think I am crazy? We just had a girl in my studio complete 365 classes in 365 days.
She says the same thing that I do. Bikram yoga has transformed my life. It has aided me in recovering from my brain injury physically as well as mentally and encouraged me to adopt a healthier, kinder, gentler perspective towards life and myself.
Muscle tension is a side effect of a brain injury. For the longest time, my hands were clenched like claws. While my writing still looks like chicken scratch, my hands have relaxed. My speech was greatly impaired. I believe this was largely due in part to clenching my jaws. Think Thurston Howell. Oh, Lovey! My jaws have really relaxed, but I am not quite Gilligan yet.
Over the two years I have been doing it since my brain injury, Bikram yoga has greatly helped to improve my balance. At first, with my eyes open, the room would spin. Now, I am steady and can do a mighty impressive impersonation of a flamingo.
The one most crucial thing stressed in yoga is the breath. The class begins and ends with breathing exercises to increase the lung capacity and strengthen the lungs. I am constantly reminded to concentrate on my breath. This is harder than you would think. As a result of my pill popping, I also sustained an "acute lung injury" whatever that means. All I know is that I used to not be able to breathe and talk at the same time. It has greatly helped this, and I don't gasp mid sentence anymore.
Bikram yoga encourages the heart and lungs to be friends and to work together like originally designed. It is proven to increase the oxygen levels in the blood and to improve the circulation which are both something I greatly needed in my recovery.
Anyone can benefit from Bikram yoga. It has been shown to be helpful in aiding sleep, regulating the appetite, stabilizing moods, decreasing stress, reducing and alleviating pain and more. Because of its super detoxification benefits, people doing chemotherapy have found it to be very helpful. Also, because one class burns around 800 calories, it is a great way to keep those weight loss/get fit New Year's resolutions.
So, if you thought yoga was a bunch of flower children, burning incense, relaxing and stretching while chimes play in the background, think again. This is rigorous, physical exercise. It is not pretty, but it is sooo good. When you are finished, you feel like you have accomplished something. You are just not sure what.
Friday, February 12, 2010
A Human Pincushion
I have come to believe that our brain is like a 3 pound, mushy battery. It is similar to a power generator for a New York City block. It determines whether we are a colorful, blaring neon sign illuminating our surrounding area or whether we are a barely noticeable sign flickering dimly on and off. Like a battery and thank goodness for me, I have found that the brain can be recharged.
One way in which I have done this is through acupuncture. Acupuncture has been practiced for 2,500 years. It is based on energy channels called meridians. Qi or life energy flows through the body and between the skin’s surface and the internal organs along these meridians. Illness or pain occurs when the healthy flow of energy becomes imbalanced or blocked along these pathways. Acupuncture facilitates health by restoring the natural flow of this energy.
Acupuncture has been medically proven to speed up healing, improve circulation and increase nerve growth. Recent research is further validating this ancient art by showing that pain killing endorphins and important mood regulating transmitters are released throughout the body when points are stimulated. It is used to successfully treat allergies, depression, arthritis, back pain, chronic fatigue syndrome, headaches, infertility, insomnia, post polio syndrome, sciatica, smoking cessation, weight loss, and much more.
I started doing acupuncture about a year and half ago. In the beginning, I did as much as three treatments a week. Now, I am down to once a week. The first time I did it, the difference in my perception was so great afterwards that the drive home was scary. My perception - it was more than just my vision - was so much sharper and clearer. Edges were more defined and crisp. It was like taking a camera lens and turning it to be more in focus. Although, I did not even know it was out of focus before.
This makes sense, because vision is mostly in how the brain processes the input from the eyes. In testing, my vision was normal– no worse, no better than before the brain injury. Something was going on though, because, for instance, when I put the dog’s leash down in the leaves I could not pick it out of the collage of shapes and colors, but my Dad walked right up and could immediately spot it.
However, it was not only in my vision that I could tell a big difference. It was as if I had taken smart pill and my whole brain had become more efficient and focused. My thinking was much faster and clearer. I also just felt revitalized and more alive and stronger.
I do cranial acupuncture where needles are stuck in my head. I have also had needles put almost every other place imaginable. Well, almost. When they were in my jaw joints, I had visions of Frankenstein. They do not hurt, but I am aware of them when they go in usually. The needles in my head are actually hooked up to a machine which sends electrical impulses into them to provide constant stimulation. Amazingly, I do not glow in the dark yet.
Once I am all stuck and hooked up to my recharger, I just lie there trying really hard not to move for an hour and usually listen to music or educational cds and nap. I have gotten really good at just ignoring the little urges to scratch my nose.
I also take a daily herb granular mixture and a liquid tincture that the acupuncturist mixes like a mad scientist just for me taking into account my brain injury and whatever else may be going on with my body and in my life at that time. She looks at my tongue and reads several different pulses to determine what is needed in the supplements and treatment that day.
I have not done acupuncture in two weeks because my person has been out of town. I am ready to be plugged up and recharged.
Friday, February 5, 2010
"Air Head" is a compliment...really
I frantically told someone very shortly after my brain injury "I am in here!" It was kind of hard for anyone to tell for sure because I did not sound, move, nor act like I did before, and I had the blank look in my eyes like nobody was home.
Let's see if I can even try to explain this. Even though huge chunks of my my personality were missing and my mental processes were all messed up as well as some of my physical functioning, my spirit or soul or essence or whatever you want to call it was always in tact and fully aware. It was never damaged or injured in any way and remained whole. As a matter of fact, it became stronger and more defined as my ego and physical self became less imposing.
I recall wondering to myself "What part of me is observing me?" It was as though some other me was watching the new pitiful, damaged me in a very unattached and objective manner with almost no emotional reaction, but lots of compassion. Freaky. To actually look at myself kindly instead of picking apart and criticizing my every move was totally new for me.
I was brain damaged, but in some way I was deeper and more thoughtful. The injury had actually slowed my mind which had constantly raced most of the time before like a Jack Russell forever, tirelessly chasing its tail round and round in circles. Now, it was more like the old, fat, hound dog who can barely muster the energy to get up and waddle somewhere not too far only to plop down again.
I surely would not have been a winner on "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?," but I did have the presence somehow to challenge the well known "I think; therefore, I am." While I wasn't thinking all that great, I still knew that "I" was, and that "I" was not impaired.
I have often thought that recovering from my brain injury was the painstakingly slow process of coming back into my body. I even remember telling my brother "I came back in body this week," after a week especially filled with lots of the "tinglies" of nerves coming back on board and deciding to work again.
Although it may sound kind of twilight zone-ish, I now think that I actually wasn't too far off. Traditionally, we have thought that the brain must be the source of the mind. This is similar to insisting that a radio is the source of the music which comes from it. It may seem important that the brain is active during thought, but then a radio is also active during a broadcast.
Quantum physics is confirming that there is a field of energy everywhere called "The Zero Point Field." Rather than the old way of thinking that the mind is what the brain does, now, it is more like the mind is the controller of the brain. Imagine that there is a cloud of possibilities - words, memories, ideas, images - from which your brain can choose at every moment. One of these possibilities becomes an actuality in the brain. Like the quantum field which has been scientifically proven to generate real particles from virtual ones, the mind generates real brain activity from possible or virtual activity.
Quantum physics is proving to have many new mind blowing (pun intended) discoveries which are totally rewriting our understanding of the basic principles of our world and universe. Lynn McTaggert's book The Field totally altered my perception of reality. There is growing evidence to suggest that, in fact, we do all share the same mind field. Think of prodigies like Mozart or savants who can tell what day of the week November 16th falls on in the year 2135.
No physical process has been identified through which memories are transferred from neurons which die naturally every day to new neurons in the brain. Perhaps memories exist and persist on a nonphysical level. This would also explain, how someone can relay what dead Uncle George has to say from the beyond and other phenomenon such as distant seeing and mind reading. OK, is this too far out for ya yet?
We can use CAT scans and MRIs to show the activity of the brain, but that does not prove that the mind arises in the brain. These are maps showing the terrain of the brain as a thought or emotion crosses it. Deepak Chopra says in his book Life After Death "They don't prove that the brain IS the mind any more than a footprint in the sand is the same as the foot."
I see my recovery as a matter of getting my equipment to better receive and express the signal of me which has always been there strong and clear. I have gone from a crackly, antiquated radio like Grandpa used to have to an iPod coming through some Blaupankt speakers, and I keep upgrading.
Let's see if I can even try to explain this. Even though huge chunks of my my personality were missing and my mental processes were all messed up as well as some of my physical functioning, my spirit or soul or essence or whatever you want to call it was always in tact and fully aware. It was never damaged or injured in any way and remained whole. As a matter of fact, it became stronger and more defined as my ego and physical self became less imposing.
I recall wondering to myself "What part of me is observing me?" It was as though some other me was watching the new pitiful, damaged me in a very unattached and objective manner with almost no emotional reaction, but lots of compassion. Freaky. To actually look at myself kindly instead of picking apart and criticizing my every move was totally new for me.
I was brain damaged, but in some way I was deeper and more thoughtful. The injury had actually slowed my mind which had constantly raced most of the time before like a Jack Russell forever, tirelessly chasing its tail round and round in circles. Now, it was more like the old, fat, hound dog who can barely muster the energy to get up and waddle somewhere not too far only to plop down again.
I surely would not have been a winner on "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?," but I did have the presence somehow to challenge the well known "I think; therefore, I am." While I wasn't thinking all that great, I still knew that "I" was, and that "I" was not impaired.
I have often thought that recovering from my brain injury was the painstakingly slow process of coming back into my body. I even remember telling my brother "I came back in body this week," after a week especially filled with lots of the "tinglies" of nerves coming back on board and deciding to work again.
Although it may sound kind of twilight zone-ish, I now think that I actually wasn't too far off. Traditionally, we have thought that the brain must be the source of the mind. This is similar to insisting that a radio is the source of the music which comes from it. It may seem important that the brain is active during thought, but then a radio is also active during a broadcast.
Quantum physics is confirming that there is a field of energy everywhere called "The Zero Point Field." Rather than the old way of thinking that the mind is what the brain does, now, it is more like the mind is the controller of the brain. Imagine that there is a cloud of possibilities - words, memories, ideas, images - from which your brain can choose at every moment. One of these possibilities becomes an actuality in the brain. Like the quantum field which has been scientifically proven to generate real particles from virtual ones, the mind generates real brain activity from possible or virtual activity.
Quantum physics is proving to have many new mind blowing (pun intended) discoveries which are totally rewriting our understanding of the basic principles of our world and universe. Lynn McTaggert's book The Field totally altered my perception of reality. There is growing evidence to suggest that, in fact, we do all share the same mind field. Think of prodigies like Mozart or savants who can tell what day of the week November 16th falls on in the year 2135.
No physical process has been identified through which memories are transferred from neurons which die naturally every day to new neurons in the brain. Perhaps memories exist and persist on a nonphysical level. This would also explain, how someone can relay what dead Uncle George has to say from the beyond and other phenomenon such as distant seeing and mind reading. OK, is this too far out for ya yet?
We can use CAT scans and MRIs to show the activity of the brain, but that does not prove that the mind arises in the brain. These are maps showing the terrain of the brain as a thought or emotion crosses it. Deepak Chopra says in his book Life After Death "They don't prove that the brain IS the mind any more than a footprint in the sand is the same as the foot."
I see my recovery as a matter of getting my equipment to better receive and express the signal of me which has always been there strong and clear. I have gone from a crackly, antiquated radio like Grandpa used to have to an iPod coming through some Blaupankt speakers, and I keep upgrading.
Friday, January 29, 2010
The light at the end of the tunnel or a train?
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, right? Faith is believing that it is not a train barreling straight at you. Somewhere during the first year after my brain injury, I quit running like hell through the tunnel, scared to death all panicky and sweaty. I slowed down, calmed down, and developed the innate knowing that it was not a train coming at me and that somewhere down the tracks the darkness was going to lift and there would be sunshine. I am at the point now where I am walking...kind of sauntering and whistling even...and I can see the suns' light streaming in at the end of the tunnel and feel its warmth. Behind me is pitch blackness.
Believe it or not, I am grateful to have had my brain injury and would not go back to being the person I was before even if given the chance. "If you like where you are, then you can't complain about how you got there" is one of my favorite sayings these days. Wouldn't do any good anyway. Now, don't get me wrong. I would rather have my fingernails pulled off slowly with tweezers than go through the whole thing again, but the experience does have its benefits. Like any other seemingly "bad" thing, it has given me some profound gifts.
Let go of the past. A large part of my memory was wiped out with the brain injury. It follows no rhyme or reason as far as I can tell. While I can remember the words to almost every inane song that comes on the radio, the memories are not really there in detail for my sons' births. Pictures become my memories here if that makes any sense. I also do not remember all the little and some of the rather big hurts that I accumulated and lugged around everywhere with me over the years. They eventually became so heavy that they sunk the boat. I feel so much lighter now.
Appreciate the little things. When you have hit rock bottom there is no where to go but up. I used to "chug" my arms when walking because I did not know what else to do with them, and they did nothing naturally. Sure makes me like the the cool way they just automatically swing now without me even having to think about it. Just going to the grocery store used to make me break out in a sweat and had me mustering all my courage. "Please, please, please don't let the cashier be chatty," I would pray. Now, no problem, and I am the one with witty banter. While my speech is still affected and it is no where near sounding like the drunken slur that it once did, I sure wish I could just sing a song under my breath effortlessly. I'll get there one day.
Focus on the abundance. Before my brain injury, I had so much abundance in my life, but all I could see and obsess about over and over was what was absent. I have not been shopping except for necessities since the injury. Every time I open my closets, it is like going shopping. "Weee! Where did all these clothes come from?" Before, I had two sons living with me. I did appreciate them, but like any other full time, single parent, I would get annoyed much more easily by the little, every day things. I took them being in my everyday life for granted. They now live with their Dad in a different state. When they come in, I just revel in the energy they exude and notice and enjoy so many little things I did not before. Now, farting in the car, I don't think I will ever come to appreciate.
Have no fear. I used to be afraid. If you knew me, I don't think you ever would have known it. Tough girl. I put up a very brave front, and part of it was real, and I wanted the other part to be real very badly, but inside I was still terrified of just life. Over the last two and half years, I have had to draw on strength I didn't even know I had. I have learned that I can trust and depend on myself. For a person who had perfected playing the victim, that is major. Now, literally nothing scares me. Well, OK - maybe bungee jumping. I know pretty much that I can go through anything and even find some joy along the way. Bring it on!
I could continue, but you are probably getting bored. I can often be seen smiling or giggling to myself these days because, I know it sounds corny enough to make you wanna throw up - me too, but I actually see joy and find happiness all around me in the mundane everyday. Tee hee! It can never be taken away either. Pretty neat. As they say in yoga class "The better it gets, the better it gets!"
Believe it or not, I am grateful to have had my brain injury and would not go back to being the person I was before even if given the chance. "If you like where you are, then you can't complain about how you got there" is one of my favorite sayings these days. Wouldn't do any good anyway. Now, don't get me wrong. I would rather have my fingernails pulled off slowly with tweezers than go through the whole thing again, but the experience does have its benefits. Like any other seemingly "bad" thing, it has given me some profound gifts.
Let go of the past. A large part of my memory was wiped out with the brain injury. It follows no rhyme or reason as far as I can tell. While I can remember the words to almost every inane song that comes on the radio, the memories are not really there in detail for my sons' births. Pictures become my memories here if that makes any sense. I also do not remember all the little and some of the rather big hurts that I accumulated and lugged around everywhere with me over the years. They eventually became so heavy that they sunk the boat. I feel so much lighter now.
Appreciate the little things. When you have hit rock bottom there is no where to go but up. I used to "chug" my arms when walking because I did not know what else to do with them, and they did nothing naturally. Sure makes me like the the cool way they just automatically swing now without me even having to think about it. Just going to the grocery store used to make me break out in a sweat and had me mustering all my courage. "Please, please, please don't let the cashier be chatty," I would pray. Now, no problem, and I am the one with witty banter. While my speech is still affected and it is no where near sounding like the drunken slur that it once did, I sure wish I could just sing a song under my breath effortlessly. I'll get there one day.
Focus on the abundance. Before my brain injury, I had so much abundance in my life, but all I could see and obsess about over and over was what was absent. I have not been shopping except for necessities since the injury. Every time I open my closets, it is like going shopping. "Weee! Where did all these clothes come from?" Before, I had two sons living with me. I did appreciate them, but like any other full time, single parent, I would get annoyed much more easily by the little, every day things. I took them being in my everyday life for granted. They now live with their Dad in a different state. When they come in, I just revel in the energy they exude and notice and enjoy so many little things I did not before. Now, farting in the car, I don't think I will ever come to appreciate.
Have no fear. I used to be afraid. If you knew me, I don't think you ever would have known it. Tough girl. I put up a very brave front, and part of it was real, and I wanted the other part to be real very badly, but inside I was still terrified of just life. Over the last two and half years, I have had to draw on strength I didn't even know I had. I have learned that I can trust and depend on myself. For a person who had perfected playing the victim, that is major. Now, literally nothing scares me. Well, OK - maybe bungee jumping. I know pretty much that I can go through anything and even find some joy along the way. Bring it on!
I could continue, but you are probably getting bored. I can often be seen smiling or giggling to myself these days because, I know it sounds corny enough to make you wanna throw up - me too, but I actually see joy and find happiness all around me in the mundane everyday. Tee hee! It can never be taken away either. Pretty neat. As they say in yoga class "The better it gets, the better it gets!"
Saturday, January 23, 2010
A Mood Ring for the Mind
Many fads gain popularity for unknown reasons. Remember polyester leisure suits, beanie babies, or pet rocks? Thank goodness, most of them fade back into wherever they came from pretty quickly. A few have staying power and even prove to be visionary.
Mood rings are an example of this. They were actually an early form of biofeedback. Biofeedback is a therapy in which people are taught to improve health and performance using signals generated by their own bodies such as heart rate and breathing. NASA and top athletes have been benefiting from biofeedback for years.
Neurofeedback is a specialized form of biofeedback in which a person physically learns to alter their brainwaves. The learning occurs at a subconscious level and is permanent. It has been used successfully for many conditions where the brain is not functioning optimally including chronic anxiety, autism, ADHD, depression, brain injuries, addictive disorders, seizure disorders, learning disabilities and more. It can also be used just to perfect and heighten focus and concentration such as required in school or in playing golf or other sports.
I can say that neurofeedback has undoubtedly made the most dramatic difference for me in my recovery. I started doing neurofeedback 14 months after my brain injury. My practitioner has told me stories about people 13 years post injury having remarkably successful results. It is never too late for your brain to learn.
In neurofeedback, EEG sensors are put on the head and ears. Think good blackmail pictures. The EEG reads the amount of electrical energy put out by the brain in the form of brainwaves at the different sites. Just like a radio station, the electricity is measured in terms of "frequency." The brainwaves are monitored by computer software that processes the EEG information and provides feedback to the person.
Feedback can come in several forms. It can be in the context of a video game and, when the set criteria are met, a rocket ship goes faster or a pac man gobbles up dots more frantically. When the brain does not meet the desired levels, the game slows and the reward stops. With practice, the brain learns to regulate itself and this actually produces permanent physiological changes allowing the brain to perform differently and to continue to make adjustments when not training.
I have done it so much, that all I get these days is a lousy little "ding" and the technical computer screen - no fancy games to entertain me anymore. I have learned to read these and to watch the raw EEG data to monitor my own performance and train my brain.
Because it is a learning process, the results of neurofeedback occur gradually over time. For me, my thoughts and my speech which had been separate with a time delay in between, if you can even imagine, came together and became simultaneous within 10 sessions. Shortly after I began neurofeedback, I started sleeping soundly and deeply. Until then, my sleep had been fitful and not restful. I spent a lot of time just staring at the ceiling and took way too many baths when I should have been sleeping. I know that sleeping more contiguously and productively allowed my brain to really start doing some serious healing.
We would train specific areas of my motor strip, and I could physically feel the corresponding areas of my body waking up with what I have come to technically call "the tinglies." At first, my gait was somewhat spastic, my coordination was kind of jerky and my balance was definitely off. Now, my movement is much more natural and fluid, and, while I am probably not going to go dancing anytime soon, I could still do a mean robot.
Once I saw that it was really doing something pretty miraculous, I did neurofeedback as much as I could, up to 4 times a week. Currently, I am doing it twice a week. I do foresee the day when I do not feel that I need it at all, but, for now, I continue to see benefits and results.
This summer, we did neurofeedback treatments on my oldest son pretty intensely while he was here with me. I see it as an investment in his future. He does not have any diagnosed disorder. He has reported that he can tell improvements in his concentration for schoolwork and that he just feels calmer and less reactive emotionally. I think his younger brother has less bruises to prove it.
Mood rings are an example of this. They were actually an early form of biofeedback. Biofeedback is a therapy in which people are taught to improve health and performance using signals generated by their own bodies such as heart rate and breathing. NASA and top athletes have been benefiting from biofeedback for years.
Neurofeedback is a specialized form of biofeedback in which a person physically learns to alter their brainwaves. The learning occurs at a subconscious level and is permanent. It has been used successfully for many conditions where the brain is not functioning optimally including chronic anxiety, autism, ADHD, depression, brain injuries, addictive disorders, seizure disorders, learning disabilities and more. It can also be used just to perfect and heighten focus and concentration such as required in school or in playing golf or other sports.
I can say that neurofeedback has undoubtedly made the most dramatic difference for me in my recovery. I started doing neurofeedback 14 months after my brain injury. My practitioner has told me stories about people 13 years post injury having remarkably successful results. It is never too late for your brain to learn.
In neurofeedback, EEG sensors are put on the head and ears. Think good blackmail pictures. The EEG reads the amount of electrical energy put out by the brain in the form of brainwaves at the different sites. Just like a radio station, the electricity is measured in terms of "frequency." The brainwaves are monitored by computer software that processes the EEG information and provides feedback to the person.
Feedback can come in several forms. It can be in the context of a video game and, when the set criteria are met, a rocket ship goes faster or a pac man gobbles up dots more frantically. When the brain does not meet the desired levels, the game slows and the reward stops. With practice, the brain learns to regulate itself and this actually produces permanent physiological changes allowing the brain to perform differently and to continue to make adjustments when not training.
I have done it so much, that all I get these days is a lousy little "ding" and the technical computer screen - no fancy games to entertain me anymore. I have learned to read these and to watch the raw EEG data to monitor my own performance and train my brain.
Because it is a learning process, the results of neurofeedback occur gradually over time. For me, my thoughts and my speech which had been separate with a time delay in between, if you can even imagine, came together and became simultaneous within 10 sessions. Shortly after I began neurofeedback, I started sleeping soundly and deeply. Until then, my sleep had been fitful and not restful. I spent a lot of time just staring at the ceiling and took way too many baths when I should have been sleeping. I know that sleeping more contiguously and productively allowed my brain to really start doing some serious healing.
We would train specific areas of my motor strip, and I could physically feel the corresponding areas of my body waking up with what I have come to technically call "the tinglies." At first, my gait was somewhat spastic, my coordination was kind of jerky and my balance was definitely off. Now, my movement is much more natural and fluid, and, while I am probably not going to go dancing anytime soon, I could still do a mean robot.
Once I saw that it was really doing something pretty miraculous, I did neurofeedback as much as I could, up to 4 times a week. Currently, I am doing it twice a week. I do foresee the day when I do not feel that I need it at all, but, for now, I continue to see benefits and results.
This summer, we did neurofeedback treatments on my oldest son pretty intensely while he was here with me. I see it as an investment in his future. He does not have any diagnosed disorder. He has reported that he can tell improvements in his concentration for schoolwork and that he just feels calmer and less reactive emotionally. I think his younger brother has less bruises to prove it.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Brain Basics
Let's talk about that three pounds of jelly under your hair that separates you from a starfish. You use it every minute of every day and it is a crucial part of your functioning in this world, but most of us never even give it a second thought and take its miraculous and still somewhat mysterious workings completely for granted. I know I did. I also know that you would give it a second and third thought if something about it did not work as it should. It was not until after my brain injury that I took notice. When I couldn't even do something as simple as run because my arms and legs would not cooperate, I thought "Why, can't I do this? I know how."
If you take your hand and make a fist with your thumb folded cozily inside, this is a "handy" model of your brain. Your thumb is your brain stem. It connects to your spinal cord and is the most primitive part of the brain sometimes referred to as the reptilian brain. It controls the basic, automatic bodily functions like respiration and heart beat. The fight or flight response is housed here also because it was necessary to keep us from being eaten by a wooly mammoth way back when.
The back of your hand is your cerebellum. It mostly controls coordination and balance while also being involved in some known language and attention functions.
Your fingers are the cerebrum or your mammalian brain. The back area primarily processes the external world, and, generally, as you move from the back to the front here, we become more and more human and the functioning becomes more complex. Our ape friends must think we are really ugly because our brains have grown so enormous as to push our foreheads out kinda funny like. It really is a good thing. It is the brain behind these large foreheads that allow us to be humans with complex thoughts, emotions, imaginations and problem solving skills.
The cerebellum is divided into two halves. The left side usually houses the more analytical functions like math and writing skills while the right side is the more abstract and generally is where creative functioning is located. Except on the head, the opposite side of the brain is in charge of the opposite side of the body.
Your brain is extremely complex. It is much more sophisticated than the most expensive computer with all the latest whiz bang gadgets. It contains more information than google. The adult brain has about 100 billion nerve cells that branch out and connect at more than 100 TRILLION!! points called synapses. I don't even know how many zeros that is. This makes a dense, tangled up neuron forest - think Christmas lights.
Signals travel across the nerves and synapses as electric impulses carried by neurotransmitters. The electrical activity of these signals is manifested in a brain wave. In order for a brain to function optimally, brain waves need to be within a certain voltage range called amplitude. Amplitude varies for different points in the brain and each point has a spectrum of wave ranges that serve different purposes. Signals also have to be able to get through the neuronal maze quickly and with no road blocks. This is connectivity. While specific parts of the brain do correspond to very specific functions, the brain is also global and operates as a whole. It takes several regions of the brain cooperating and communicating to create a thought, feeling or sensation.
Because I used to not know how many nickels were in a dollar and many other similar things, I have deduced that my left brain was more damaged than my right, but my injury was global. A quantitative EEG showed my amplitudes to be very low overall and my connectivity was like a bad cell phone connection.
For me, having to live out of my right brain was kinda good actually because it forced me to think more abstractly and creatively and imaginatively. It shut down the pragmatic, pessimistic more realistic voices that had told me my whole life that "you can't!" My brain injury allowed me to think, I believe, more openly and more positively. The voices now said "Why not? Anything is possible." I have since come to believe that the mind and the brain are two seperate things entirely. Changing one allows you to change the other and vice versa, but that is a whole different blog.
Because the brain is very delicate, it is protected by the thick bones of the skull, but is still very susceptible to damage and must maintain a very sophisticated, intricate balance. The most common forms of physical damage are closed head injuries such as a blow to the head or a stroke or exposure to neurotoxic chemicals. Genetically based conditions, such as Parkinson's, multiple sclerosis or autism are a malfunction of the brain processes. A number of psychiatric conditions are thought to be physically based in the brain.
Neurologists estimate that a person is aware of about 2,000 bits of information per minute. As impressive as this is, your brain is actually processing 400 billion bits of information per minute. Miraculously, the brain remains in control of each one and filters out what is not required to function at the present moment. So even when you think you are not doing much of anything, you are doing a lot.
If you take your hand and make a fist with your thumb folded cozily inside, this is a "handy" model of your brain. Your thumb is your brain stem. It connects to your spinal cord and is the most primitive part of the brain sometimes referred to as the reptilian brain. It controls the basic, automatic bodily functions like respiration and heart beat. The fight or flight response is housed here also because it was necessary to keep us from being eaten by a wooly mammoth way back when.
The back of your hand is your cerebellum. It mostly controls coordination and balance while also being involved in some known language and attention functions.
Your fingers are the cerebrum or your mammalian brain. The back area primarily processes the external world, and, generally, as you move from the back to the front here, we become more and more human and the functioning becomes more complex. Our ape friends must think we are really ugly because our brains have grown so enormous as to push our foreheads out kinda funny like. It really is a good thing. It is the brain behind these large foreheads that allow us to be humans with complex thoughts, emotions, imaginations and problem solving skills.
The cerebellum is divided into two halves. The left side usually houses the more analytical functions like math and writing skills while the right side is the more abstract and generally is where creative functioning is located. Except on the head, the opposite side of the brain is in charge of the opposite side of the body.
Your brain is extremely complex. It is much more sophisticated than the most expensive computer with all the latest whiz bang gadgets. It contains more information than google. The adult brain has about 100 billion nerve cells that branch out and connect at more than 100 TRILLION!! points called synapses. I don't even know how many zeros that is. This makes a dense, tangled up neuron forest - think Christmas lights.
Signals travel across the nerves and synapses as electric impulses carried by neurotransmitters. The electrical activity of these signals is manifested in a brain wave. In order for a brain to function optimally, brain waves need to be within a certain voltage range called amplitude. Amplitude varies for different points in the brain and each point has a spectrum of wave ranges that serve different purposes. Signals also have to be able to get through the neuronal maze quickly and with no road blocks. This is connectivity. While specific parts of the brain do correspond to very specific functions, the brain is also global and operates as a whole. It takes several regions of the brain cooperating and communicating to create a thought, feeling or sensation.
Because I used to not know how many nickels were in a dollar and many other similar things, I have deduced that my left brain was more damaged than my right, but my injury was global. A quantitative EEG showed my amplitudes to be very low overall and my connectivity was like a bad cell phone connection.
For me, having to live out of my right brain was kinda good actually because it forced me to think more abstractly and creatively and imaginatively. It shut down the pragmatic, pessimistic more realistic voices that had told me my whole life that "you can't!" My brain injury allowed me to think, I believe, more openly and more positively. The voices now said "Why not? Anything is possible." I have since come to believe that the mind and the brain are two seperate things entirely. Changing one allows you to change the other and vice versa, but that is a whole different blog.
Because the brain is very delicate, it is protected by the thick bones of the skull, but is still very susceptible to damage and must maintain a very sophisticated, intricate balance. The most common forms of physical damage are closed head injuries such as a blow to the head or a stroke or exposure to neurotoxic chemicals. Genetically based conditions, such as Parkinson's, multiple sclerosis or autism are a malfunction of the brain processes. A number of psychiatric conditions are thought to be physically based in the brain.
Neurologists estimate that a person is aware of about 2,000 bits of information per minute. As impressive as this is, your brain is actually processing 400 billion bits of information per minute. Miraculously, the brain remains in control of each one and filters out what is not required to function at the present moment. So even when you think you are not doing much of anything, you are doing a lot.
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