You are watching a scary movie that you've seen a million times before, and when the music gets creepy and the circumstances get hairy, your heart starts racing, your breathing becomes a shallow pant and the muscles in your neck tense up. This is even though you know nothing bad is going to happen and everything will turn out OK.
These bodily reactions are produced by make believe images and sounds, not real life situations. You can put the same happenings to work for you by creating pictures in your mind with "creative visualization."
The thoughts, words and images that run through your mind have very real physiological consequences for your body. Your brain sends the same messages to the central nervous system whether something is being imagined or actually experienced. So be very careful what you think! Seriously, consciously being aware of and controlling your thoughts is a huge way we can change our realities. Magic!
I have used visualization daily for two years in my recovery from a brain injury, and it has been miraculous. It has been amazing to me that everything I have visualized has eventually come true. Not quick enough for me most of the time, but better late than never.
At first, I imagined the messages in my brain traveling along lines like an old telephone switchboard because connectivity and getting signals across the hippocampus was an issue for me. My grandmother used to be a switch board operator at a hotel so it worked for me and was comforting at the same time.
The images just naturally evolved as my healing progressed. I have imagined my brain like the old, card catalogue file that used to be used at the library - remember those? Now, I have graduated to picturing it as Google.
My mother has breast cancer. After her first round of chemo two weeks ago, her white blood cell count fell so low she was "isolated." She has been doing visualizations to bring up her white blood cell count. She has been using the mental pictures of a field of daisies bursting with blooms, snowflakes piling up, and white beans - don't know how that one works. Her white blood cell count before this last treatment was higher than even before she started chemo. It really works! Now she is visualizing something to do with glue to hopefully keep from losing her hair. Let you know how that one goes.
Visualization can be used for anything. It is a recognized mind-body therapy that is effective with any health concern especially stress related ones (aren't they all, basically?) It has also been shown to be extremely powerful in improving performance, changing behavior, or influencing an outcome. Although, I don't know that it is a good use of time to sit around and see yourself winning the lottery.
In her book Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain offers the following guidelines:
1. Set a goal - decide something specific you would like to have, work toward, realize or create.
2. Create a clear idea or mental picture or feeling - This should be in present tense. Think of the situation already existing.
3. Focus on it frequently - Bring your idea to mind often in quiet meditation or casually through out your day. Make it part of your reality in a light, relaxed way.
4. Give it positive energy - Think about your goal in a positive, encouraging way. See yourself receiving it or achieving it. Feel it.
When you cut your finger, you do not have to tell your body, step-by-step, the specific details of how to heal the wound, thank goodness. If you are like me, you don't even know these. It just does it. It already has the natural wisdom and power. Creative visualization consciously directs these innate forces. Ready, set, pretend!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Nothing like a little pressure
You can live weeks without food, days without water, but only minutes without oxygen. There is nothing the body needs more than oxygen. Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (hbot) has made and continues to make a very dramatic difference in my recovery from a brain injury. Yes. It is that space capsule like thing Michael Jackson reportedly used to sleep in.
I wish I could tell you that my incredible intelligence and research led me to hbot, but as with most everything in my miraculous journey of recovery, I was guided to it. An inner voice told me "You need to watch Oprah today. There is something on there for you." Sure enough, Dr. Oz was talking about hyperbaric benefits. I knew immediately that was my message. Freaky? Great!
In hbot, a person is exposed to increased atmospheric pressure in an inflatable chamber. In this pressurized environment, the blood is able to dissolve up to 10 times more oxygen which allows it to pass into tissue, cells, and the brain more readily. In addition to greatly increasing the availability of oxygen, it also allows oxygen to reach areas of the body that it normally would be difficult to reach drastically improving healing.
It can really aid the body with just about anything, but has proven to be especially effective with autism, autoimmune diseases, brain injuries, cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, slow-healing wounds and injuries, surgical and stroke recovery.
Hbot is widely used and is part of the established medical systems in most European countries and Canada. There is a wealth of research world wide confirming it's substantial benefits. The US medical community, in its arrogance, has failed to accept it as of yet. Research is just beginning to be done in the US, with very promising results.
My practitioner has seen what she refers to as many little miracles from hbot therapy. One client post stroke came in using a walker and couldn't speak or write because she had very little feeling in her hands. Within about a year, she was walking with no aid and speaking normally. She also could feel it when she burnt her hand on the stove. Who would have thought burning your hand could actually be a thing to celebrate?
She has also witnessed several autistic or brain damaged children begin to speak as a result of hbot. She has seen people with paralyzed limbs regain their use. Pretty amazing stuff! Why aren't doctors here using this already?!?
She has also had a couple of people claim to have eureka/spiritual/other world experiences in there. I have not experienced that. Darn it!
I did three, hour long sessions a week until I got the recommended 50 under my belt. Now I do one session for two hours once a week, and I still feel it working. I love it. It is like being in a cozy cocoon where I get to read, listen to my iPod, and nap. Perfect for meditating. They even have portable DVD players and a good selection of movies for those who feel so inclined. But no popcorn. I just do try to make sure not to drink too much before going in. Only one time have I broken out in a sweat and considered ringing the little doorbell thingy provided inside in case you just can't wait.
For more info visit: www.hypertc.com
I wish I could tell you that my incredible intelligence and research led me to hbot, but as with most everything in my miraculous journey of recovery, I was guided to it. An inner voice told me "You need to watch Oprah today. There is something on there for you." Sure enough, Dr. Oz was talking about hyperbaric benefits. I knew immediately that was my message. Freaky? Great!
In hbot, a person is exposed to increased atmospheric pressure in an inflatable chamber. In this pressurized environment, the blood is able to dissolve up to 10 times more oxygen which allows it to pass into tissue, cells, and the brain more readily. In addition to greatly increasing the availability of oxygen, it also allows oxygen to reach areas of the body that it normally would be difficult to reach drastically improving healing.
It can really aid the body with just about anything, but has proven to be especially effective with autism, autoimmune diseases, brain injuries, cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, slow-healing wounds and injuries, surgical and stroke recovery.
Hbot is widely used and is part of the established medical systems in most European countries and Canada. There is a wealth of research world wide confirming it's substantial benefits. The US medical community, in its arrogance, has failed to accept it as of yet. Research is just beginning to be done in the US, with very promising results.
My practitioner has seen what she refers to as many little miracles from hbot therapy. One client post stroke came in using a walker and couldn't speak or write because she had very little feeling in her hands. Within about a year, she was walking with no aid and speaking normally. She also could feel it when she burnt her hand on the stove. Who would have thought burning your hand could actually be a thing to celebrate?
She has also witnessed several autistic or brain damaged children begin to speak as a result of hbot. She has seen people with paralyzed limbs regain their use. Pretty amazing stuff! Why aren't doctors here using this already?!?
She has also had a couple of people claim to have eureka/spiritual/other world experiences in there. I have not experienced that. Darn it!
I did three, hour long sessions a week until I got the recommended 50 under my belt. Now I do one session for two hours once a week, and I still feel it working. I love it. It is like being in a cozy cocoon where I get to read, listen to my iPod, and nap. Perfect for meditating. They even have portable DVD players and a good selection of movies for those who feel so inclined. But no popcorn. I just do try to make sure not to drink too much before going in. Only one time have I broken out in a sweat and considered ringing the little doorbell thingy provided inside in case you just can't wait.
For more info visit: www.hypertc.com
Thursday, March 4, 2010
When my world was warped
When I read on Facebook about Marie Osmond's teenage son committing suicide, it brought knowing tears to my eyes. Of the 19 comments, not one of them mentioned compassion for the son. While my heart certainly does go out to those left behind, I immediately empathized with the excruciating pain and utter hopelessness he must have felt.
Having committed what is termed a "serious" suicide attempt - like some are just joking around?? - I have been in that terrifying place. While I cannot know what he or anyone else felt exactly, I have my ideas. Very surprisingly to me, no one has really asked me specifically about my feelings at that time. I think this is a big part of the ongoing problem. Such an act carries a huge, black cloud of shame and is hush hushed. It makes people squirm. I believe that only by sharing honestly can I heal fully and help others no matter how uncomfortable it makes some people.
I have heard many times that suicide is a selfish act. Let me tell you that I did not see it that way at all. I saw at as a selfless act. I know now how terribly skewed that sounds, but, then, I honestly thought that the world...especially my kids... would be better off without me.
When I tried to commit suicide, of course, I had a lot of what I considered then to be hellish, mitigating factors in my life. I had this blur of a movie running non-stop in my head. It played out in intricate, garish detail all the worst "what if" scenarios possible in the future. It replayed all the most horrible scenes of my past in full color. Over and over. I could not find the pause button. I hadn't slept for any amount of time in weeks. I really desperately wanted some peace and just to rest.
My brother, who was my best friend in the world, died 10 years earlier. I don't really know where I thought he was, but I wanted to go be with him wherever that was. I have had several close relatives commit suicide. The power of suggestion. I saw it as a viable option. I had just started a new antidepressant. For me, all of these and more were factors.
The bottom line is that I did not have the faith or the hope to see a way out nor did I have the tools or the forward energy to even begin to know how to get there. Almost three years later, I just want to scream at anyone who is suicidal and tell them that they will not always feel this way even if I know they probably won't believe me right then and would tell me to shut up. I know I did not want to hear it.
Life is a lot like the story of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. It is a journey which is gonna have good witches, skipping on the yellow brick road, and emerald castles, but it is also going to be filled constantly with tornadoes, bad witches and flying monkeys. Expect them. They are part of it.
The problem comes when we buy into the illusion of finding something out there that magically makes everything perfect, in this case, a wizard. He turns out to be nothing much behind a big, elaborate front. If you will remember, he high tails it in a balloon, leaving Dorothy once again to solve her own problems.
With the help of the ruby slippers which are a symbol of the power Dorothy has within herself all along, Dorothy makes her own wish come true in the end. Like Dorothy, we have the power to make our own wishes come true and transform our own realities. It is in our brain.
We each have to find what works for us. Whether it is changing the nuerochemical balance in the brain with other chemicals; whether it is consciously directing mental processes, which, in turn, alter the physical brain, such as meditating, practicing positive affirmations or keeping a gratitude journal; whether it is making behavioral, lifestyle changes such as exercising, eating healthier and not partaking in drugs and alcohol, and most likely a combination of some of these, we each have the power to change our lives for the better. We are already wearing the ruby slippers.
When someone is suicidal, they cannot fathom this. They will hate you for even suggesting it. That is OK. They will get over it. They are not thinking clearly. They do need someone to extend a hand, intervene with force if necessary, and keep them safe until they can do so themselves and begin to take the necessary steps.
I did not like it one bit and was mad as hell at those who had saved me and continued to ensure my life. I thought "How dare they?! This is my life! Why don't they mind their own business!?" Thank you immensely to the people who did so for me. I am forever grateful. So, be a bother. Butt in!
My advice to those in the dark place is to quit running and stop all the struggle. Exhale. Give up. Have a break down. Sink into the pain and despair. Feel it. Allow it to move through you. And it will. That is the first step in healing. Actually experiencing the feelings won't kill anybody. Suicide will. Seek help and then actually allow it. If the first thing doesn't work, and it probably won't, keep searching. And, if the fifth or the fifteenth thing doesn't work, keep at it. Before a hand ever grasps a gun or some pills, suicide first occurs in the brain and has to be addressed in the brain.
Having committed what is termed a "serious" suicide attempt - like some are just joking around?? - I have been in that terrifying place. While I cannot know what he or anyone else felt exactly, I have my ideas. Very surprisingly to me, no one has really asked me specifically about my feelings at that time. I think this is a big part of the ongoing problem. Such an act carries a huge, black cloud of shame and is hush hushed. It makes people squirm. I believe that only by sharing honestly can I heal fully and help others no matter how uncomfortable it makes some people.
I have heard many times that suicide is a selfish act. Let me tell you that I did not see it that way at all. I saw at as a selfless act. I know now how terribly skewed that sounds, but, then, I honestly thought that the world...especially my kids... would be better off without me.
When I tried to commit suicide, of course, I had a lot of what I considered then to be hellish, mitigating factors in my life. I had this blur of a movie running non-stop in my head. It played out in intricate, garish detail all the worst "what if" scenarios possible in the future. It replayed all the most horrible scenes of my past in full color. Over and over. I could not find the pause button. I hadn't slept for any amount of time in weeks. I really desperately wanted some peace and just to rest.
My brother, who was my best friend in the world, died 10 years earlier. I don't really know where I thought he was, but I wanted to go be with him wherever that was. I have had several close relatives commit suicide. The power of suggestion. I saw it as a viable option. I had just started a new antidepressant. For me, all of these and more were factors.
The bottom line is that I did not have the faith or the hope to see a way out nor did I have the tools or the forward energy to even begin to know how to get there. Almost three years later, I just want to scream at anyone who is suicidal and tell them that they will not always feel this way even if I know they probably won't believe me right then and would tell me to shut up. I know I did not want to hear it.
Life is a lot like the story of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. It is a journey which is gonna have good witches, skipping on the yellow brick road, and emerald castles, but it is also going to be filled constantly with tornadoes, bad witches and flying monkeys. Expect them. They are part of it.
The problem comes when we buy into the illusion of finding something out there that magically makes everything perfect, in this case, a wizard. He turns out to be nothing much behind a big, elaborate front. If you will remember, he high tails it in a balloon, leaving Dorothy once again to solve her own problems.
With the help of the ruby slippers which are a symbol of the power Dorothy has within herself all along, Dorothy makes her own wish come true in the end. Like Dorothy, we have the power to make our own wishes come true and transform our own realities. It is in our brain.
We each have to find what works for us. Whether it is changing the nuerochemical balance in the brain with other chemicals; whether it is consciously directing mental processes, which, in turn, alter the physical brain, such as meditating, practicing positive affirmations or keeping a gratitude journal; whether it is making behavioral, lifestyle changes such as exercising, eating healthier and not partaking in drugs and alcohol, and most likely a combination of some of these, we each have the power to change our lives for the better. We are already wearing the ruby slippers.
When someone is suicidal, they cannot fathom this. They will hate you for even suggesting it. That is OK. They will get over it. They are not thinking clearly. They do need someone to extend a hand, intervene with force if necessary, and keep them safe until they can do so themselves and begin to take the necessary steps.
I did not like it one bit and was mad as hell at those who had saved me and continued to ensure my life. I thought "How dare they?! This is my life! Why don't they mind their own business!?" Thank you immensely to the people who did so for me. I am forever grateful. So, be a bother. Butt in!
My advice to those in the dark place is to quit running and stop all the struggle. Exhale. Give up. Have a break down. Sink into the pain and despair. Feel it. Allow it to move through you. And it will. That is the first step in healing. Actually experiencing the feelings won't kill anybody. Suicide will. Seek help and then actually allow it. If the first thing doesn't work, and it probably won't, keep searching. And, if the fifth or the fifteenth thing doesn't work, keep at it. Before a hand ever grasps a gun or some pills, suicide first occurs in the brain and has to be addressed in the brain.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Godiva chocolate or Seven Eleven slurpee?
If someone were to ask you "What is the one most important thing in your life?" What would your answer be? Your honey? Your kids? Your job? Your car? Your iPod? The correct answer for the big bucks here is YOU!
While my iPod is up there at the top of the list, I am my most prized possession these days. Think about it. Without you being in some kind of healthy, functioning shape, all of these other areas of your life are going to fall apart. Believe me, I know this from experience!
Having had way too much up close and personal experience with narcissists in my life, I used to think this was selfish and wanted to be nothing like it. I proved with gusto that you attract those people with the qualities you need to develop the most. I took giving to a whole new, sick level. I put others' wants and needs way before my own so much so that I ended up really angry and resentful because the whole time I was doing what they wanted, I was boiling inside and grumbling not very nice words under my breath. And I know a few.
I have finally realized that usually the other person could care less and there was not any shiny medal for my act of self sacrifice. I once drove straight through from Florida to North Carolina with a 3 month old infant and a 3 year old toddler in the car...peeing in a diaper which I held let me just clarify (although the visual of me driving a car in a diaper does make me laugh)...now that takes some talent...while my then spouse drove another car by himself comfortably listening to tunes and stopping for potty breaks.
While making yourself a priority also can be taken to the extreme of being a pure schmuck, it is healthy to be a little bit selfish and to learn to get comfortable with saying "No" and setting some boundaries for yourself. I have even gotten good at it.
My brain injury was actually a blessing in disguise here as it forced me to put myself first. I had to become very self centric to recover. I had to have the self discipline to do the things and make the choices which are good for me and my brain and say "No, thanks" to the people and the things that maybe are fun, but are not going to get me where I want to go.
I used to like my red wine. Now I am not ruling out out having a glass at some point in the future. The idea of becoming a tee totaller is just too bleak. However, about a year ago, I had two glasses of wine the night before and did nuerofeedback, a therapy which trains the brainwaves, the next morning. My brain told on me. She said "It looks like you have a fresh brain injury!" I just sat there looking like the cat that ate the canary and did not say a word. Ever since then, it's just is not worth it to me to drink any alcohol.
My daily life now reflects my honoring myself. I put healthy things in my body. I take supplements. I get lots of sleep. I make time to exercise every day. Some days vacuuming the house counts as my cardio. Hey, I work up a sweat! I meditate daily. I call this my healing time, and I really think it has been. If I do not do it even for one day, I can really tell a difference. I do brain training every day in addition to my own speech therapy which is learning Spanish...hola!... and reading out loud. I also have learned to decline many requests for my time and attention in order to do these things.
You get the picture. While I have been accused of having OCD which may be a little bit true, I prefer to think of it as having self discipline. These are the ways in which I tell myself and the world that I am important. I am recovering from a brain injury and getting myself mentally and spiritually healthy, someone already there might not have to be so militant.
It is true, you teach everybody else how to treat you and, in general, no one is going to treat you any better than you treat yourself. Are you teaching people to treat you like some Godiva chocolate or a Seven Eleven slurpee?
While my iPod is up there at the top of the list, I am my most prized possession these days. Think about it. Without you being in some kind of healthy, functioning shape, all of these other areas of your life are going to fall apart. Believe me, I know this from experience!
Having had way too much up close and personal experience with narcissists in my life, I used to think this was selfish and wanted to be nothing like it. I proved with gusto that you attract those people with the qualities you need to develop the most. I took giving to a whole new, sick level. I put others' wants and needs way before my own so much so that I ended up really angry and resentful because the whole time I was doing what they wanted, I was boiling inside and grumbling not very nice words under my breath. And I know a few.
I have finally realized that usually the other person could care less and there was not any shiny medal for my act of self sacrifice. I once drove straight through from Florida to North Carolina with a 3 month old infant and a 3 year old toddler in the car...peeing in a diaper which I held let me just clarify (although the visual of me driving a car in a diaper does make me laugh)...now that takes some talent...while my then spouse drove another car by himself comfortably listening to tunes and stopping for potty breaks.
While making yourself a priority also can be taken to the extreme of being a pure schmuck, it is healthy to be a little bit selfish and to learn to get comfortable with saying "No" and setting some boundaries for yourself. I have even gotten good at it.
My brain injury was actually a blessing in disguise here as it forced me to put myself first. I had to become very self centric to recover. I had to have the self discipline to do the things and make the choices which are good for me and my brain and say "No, thanks" to the people and the things that maybe are fun, but are not going to get me where I want to go.
I used to like my red wine. Now I am not ruling out out having a glass at some point in the future. The idea of becoming a tee totaller is just too bleak. However, about a year ago, I had two glasses of wine the night before and did nuerofeedback, a therapy which trains the brainwaves, the next morning. My brain told on me. She said "It looks like you have a fresh brain injury!" I just sat there looking like the cat that ate the canary and did not say a word. Ever since then, it's just is not worth it to me to drink any alcohol.
My daily life now reflects my honoring myself. I put healthy things in my body. I take supplements. I get lots of sleep. I make time to exercise every day. Some days vacuuming the house counts as my cardio. Hey, I work up a sweat! I meditate daily. I call this my healing time, and I really think it has been. If I do not do it even for one day, I can really tell a difference. I do brain training every day in addition to my own speech therapy which is learning Spanish...hola!... and reading out loud. I also have learned to decline many requests for my time and attention in order to do these things.
You get the picture. While I have been accused of having OCD which may be a little bit true, I prefer to think of it as having self discipline. These are the ways in which I tell myself and the world that I am important. I am recovering from a brain injury and getting myself mentally and spiritually healthy, someone already there might not have to be so militant.
It is true, you teach everybody else how to treat you and, in general, no one is going to treat you any better than you treat yourself. Are you teaching people to treat you like some Godiva chocolate or a Seven Eleven slurpee?
Friday, February 19, 2010
A Japanese Ham Sandwich
It is hot. I get all sweaty. I wear as little clothing as possible. When I am finished, my body is tired, but also feels strong and revitalized. My mind is calm and peaceful, yet alert and rejuvenated. I do it 3 or 4 times a week. No, it is not that! It is Bikram yoga also known as hot yoga.
Bikram yoga is 90 minutes of Hatha yoga in a room heated to 105 degrees and with 40% humidity. Most people's idea of a hell on earth, huh? A class consists of 26 postures with very long, hard to say Indian names, but with simplified American descriptions like "Japanese ham sandwich." The idea behind it being so hot is that it increases flexibility and decreases the risk of injury and allows a person to rework their body. Think of the analogy of a sword. Cold, it is rigid and inflexible, but heat it up and you have something pliable with which you can work and shape.
The heat and humidity does make you sweat, but that is a good thing. Really. When I am finished, I look like I have been swimming. I have chuckled to myself during class because when I was supposed to be focusing on my breath, I was having visions of a tacky Will Ferrell movie where the props guys had cut corners and used a water hose to simulate sweat ridiculously pouring off. All the sweat is an incredible detoxification through the largest organ in the body...the skin. I leave the room cleaner than when I went in. Can't say I smell better though.
Because over 90 pills went entirely through my system when I tried to commit suicide, detoxing was pretty high on my list. When I first started doing hot yoga, I would feel mentally clearer after each class. I did a challenge where I did 60 classes in 60 days. Unknowingly, it was probably the best thing I could have done to get the residual drugs out of my body. You think I am crazy? We just had a girl in my studio complete 365 classes in 365 days.
She says the same thing that I do. Bikram yoga has transformed my life. It has aided me in recovering from my brain injury physically as well as mentally and encouraged me to adopt a healthier, kinder, gentler perspective towards life and myself.
Muscle tension is a side effect of a brain injury. For the longest time, my hands were clenched like claws. While my writing still looks like chicken scratch, my hands have relaxed. My speech was greatly impaired. I believe this was largely due in part to clenching my jaws. Think Thurston Howell. Oh, Lovey! My jaws have really relaxed, but I am not quite Gilligan yet.
Over the two years I have been doing it since my brain injury, Bikram yoga has greatly helped to improve my balance. At first, with my eyes open, the room would spin. Now, I am steady and can do a mighty impressive impersonation of a flamingo.
The one most crucial thing stressed in yoga is the breath. The class begins and ends with breathing exercises to increase the lung capacity and strengthen the lungs. I am constantly reminded to concentrate on my breath. This is harder than you would think. As a result of my pill popping, I also sustained an "acute lung injury" whatever that means. All I know is that I used to not be able to breathe and talk at the same time. It has greatly helped this, and I don't gasp mid sentence anymore.
Bikram yoga encourages the heart and lungs to be friends and to work together like originally designed. It is proven to increase the oxygen levels in the blood and to improve the circulation which are both something I greatly needed in my recovery.
Anyone can benefit from Bikram yoga. It has been shown to be helpful in aiding sleep, regulating the appetite, stabilizing moods, decreasing stress, reducing and alleviating pain and more. Because of its super detoxification benefits, people doing chemotherapy have found it to be very helpful. Also, because one class burns around 800 calories, it is a great way to keep those weight loss/get fit New Year's resolutions.
So, if you thought yoga was a bunch of flower children, burning incense, relaxing and stretching while chimes play in the background, think again. This is rigorous, physical exercise. It is not pretty, but it is sooo good. When you are finished, you feel like you have accomplished something. You are just not sure what.
Bikram yoga is 90 minutes of Hatha yoga in a room heated to 105 degrees and with 40% humidity. Most people's idea of a hell on earth, huh? A class consists of 26 postures with very long, hard to say Indian names, but with simplified American descriptions like "Japanese ham sandwich." The idea behind it being so hot is that it increases flexibility and decreases the risk of injury and allows a person to rework their body. Think of the analogy of a sword. Cold, it is rigid and inflexible, but heat it up and you have something pliable with which you can work and shape.
The heat and humidity does make you sweat, but that is a good thing. Really. When I am finished, I look like I have been swimming. I have chuckled to myself during class because when I was supposed to be focusing on my breath, I was having visions of a tacky Will Ferrell movie where the props guys had cut corners and used a water hose to simulate sweat ridiculously pouring off. All the sweat is an incredible detoxification through the largest organ in the body...the skin. I leave the room cleaner than when I went in. Can't say I smell better though.
Because over 90 pills went entirely through my system when I tried to commit suicide, detoxing was pretty high on my list. When I first started doing hot yoga, I would feel mentally clearer after each class. I did a challenge where I did 60 classes in 60 days. Unknowingly, it was probably the best thing I could have done to get the residual drugs out of my body. You think I am crazy? We just had a girl in my studio complete 365 classes in 365 days.
She says the same thing that I do. Bikram yoga has transformed my life. It has aided me in recovering from my brain injury physically as well as mentally and encouraged me to adopt a healthier, kinder, gentler perspective towards life and myself.
Muscle tension is a side effect of a brain injury. For the longest time, my hands were clenched like claws. While my writing still looks like chicken scratch, my hands have relaxed. My speech was greatly impaired. I believe this was largely due in part to clenching my jaws. Think Thurston Howell. Oh, Lovey! My jaws have really relaxed, but I am not quite Gilligan yet.
Over the two years I have been doing it since my brain injury, Bikram yoga has greatly helped to improve my balance. At first, with my eyes open, the room would spin. Now, I am steady and can do a mighty impressive impersonation of a flamingo.
The one most crucial thing stressed in yoga is the breath. The class begins and ends with breathing exercises to increase the lung capacity and strengthen the lungs. I am constantly reminded to concentrate on my breath. This is harder than you would think. As a result of my pill popping, I also sustained an "acute lung injury" whatever that means. All I know is that I used to not be able to breathe and talk at the same time. It has greatly helped this, and I don't gasp mid sentence anymore.
Bikram yoga encourages the heart and lungs to be friends and to work together like originally designed. It is proven to increase the oxygen levels in the blood and to improve the circulation which are both something I greatly needed in my recovery.
Anyone can benefit from Bikram yoga. It has been shown to be helpful in aiding sleep, regulating the appetite, stabilizing moods, decreasing stress, reducing and alleviating pain and more. Because of its super detoxification benefits, people doing chemotherapy have found it to be very helpful. Also, because one class burns around 800 calories, it is a great way to keep those weight loss/get fit New Year's resolutions.
So, if you thought yoga was a bunch of flower children, burning incense, relaxing and stretching while chimes play in the background, think again. This is rigorous, physical exercise. It is not pretty, but it is sooo good. When you are finished, you feel like you have accomplished something. You are just not sure what.
Friday, February 12, 2010
A Human Pincushion
I have come to believe that our brain is like a 3 pound, mushy battery. It is similar to a power generator for a New York City block. It determines whether we are a colorful, blaring neon sign illuminating our surrounding area or whether we are a barely noticeable sign flickering dimly on and off. Like a battery and thank goodness for me, I have found that the brain can be recharged.
One way in which I have done this is through acupuncture. Acupuncture has been practiced for 2,500 years. It is based on energy channels called meridians. Qi or life energy flows through the body and between the skin’s surface and the internal organs along these meridians. Illness or pain occurs when the healthy flow of energy becomes imbalanced or blocked along these pathways. Acupuncture facilitates health by restoring the natural flow of this energy.
Acupuncture has been medically proven to speed up healing, improve circulation and increase nerve growth. Recent research is further validating this ancient art by showing that pain killing endorphins and important mood regulating transmitters are released throughout the body when points are stimulated. It is used to successfully treat allergies, depression, arthritis, back pain, chronic fatigue syndrome, headaches, infertility, insomnia, post polio syndrome, sciatica, smoking cessation, weight loss, and much more.
I started doing acupuncture about a year and half ago. In the beginning, I did as much as three treatments a week. Now, I am down to once a week. The first time I did it, the difference in my perception was so great afterwards that the drive home was scary. My perception - it was more than just my vision - was so much sharper and clearer. Edges were more defined and crisp. It was like taking a camera lens and turning it to be more in focus. Although, I did not even know it was out of focus before.
This makes sense, because vision is mostly in how the brain processes the input from the eyes. In testing, my vision was normal– no worse, no better than before the brain injury. Something was going on though, because, for instance, when I put the dog’s leash down in the leaves I could not pick it out of the collage of shapes and colors, but my Dad walked right up and could immediately spot it.
However, it was not only in my vision that I could tell a big difference. It was as if I had taken smart pill and my whole brain had become more efficient and focused. My thinking was much faster and clearer. I also just felt revitalized and more alive and stronger.
I do cranial acupuncture where needles are stuck in my head. I have also had needles put almost every other place imaginable. Well, almost. When they were in my jaw joints, I had visions of Frankenstein. They do not hurt, but I am aware of them when they go in usually. The needles in my head are actually hooked up to a machine which sends electrical impulses into them to provide constant stimulation. Amazingly, I do not glow in the dark yet.
Once I am all stuck and hooked up to my recharger, I just lie there trying really hard not to move for an hour and usually listen to music or educational cds and nap. I have gotten really good at just ignoring the little urges to scratch my nose.
I also take a daily herb granular mixture and a liquid tincture that the acupuncturist mixes like a mad scientist just for me taking into account my brain injury and whatever else may be going on with my body and in my life at that time. She looks at my tongue and reads several different pulses to determine what is needed in the supplements and treatment that day.
I have not done acupuncture in two weeks because my person has been out of town. I am ready to be plugged up and recharged.
Friday, February 5, 2010
"Air Head" is a compliment...really
I frantically told someone very shortly after my brain injury "I am in here!" It was kind of hard for anyone to tell for sure because I did not sound, move, nor act like I did before, and I had the blank look in my eyes like nobody was home.
Let's see if I can even try to explain this. Even though huge chunks of my my personality were missing and my mental processes were all messed up as well as some of my physical functioning, my spirit or soul or essence or whatever you want to call it was always in tact and fully aware. It was never damaged or injured in any way and remained whole. As a matter of fact, it became stronger and more defined as my ego and physical self became less imposing.
I recall wondering to myself "What part of me is observing me?" It was as though some other me was watching the new pitiful, damaged me in a very unattached and objective manner with almost no emotional reaction, but lots of compassion. Freaky. To actually look at myself kindly instead of picking apart and criticizing my every move was totally new for me.
I was brain damaged, but in some way I was deeper and more thoughtful. The injury had actually slowed my mind which had constantly raced most of the time before like a Jack Russell forever, tirelessly chasing its tail round and round in circles. Now, it was more like the old, fat, hound dog who can barely muster the energy to get up and waddle somewhere not too far only to plop down again.
I surely would not have been a winner on "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?," but I did have the presence somehow to challenge the well known "I think; therefore, I am." While I wasn't thinking all that great, I still knew that "I" was, and that "I" was not impaired.
I have often thought that recovering from my brain injury was the painstakingly slow process of coming back into my body. I even remember telling my brother "I came back in body this week," after a week especially filled with lots of the "tinglies" of nerves coming back on board and deciding to work again.
Although it may sound kind of twilight zone-ish, I now think that I actually wasn't too far off. Traditionally, we have thought that the brain must be the source of the mind. This is similar to insisting that a radio is the source of the music which comes from it. It may seem important that the brain is active during thought, but then a radio is also active during a broadcast.
Quantum physics is confirming that there is a field of energy everywhere called "The Zero Point Field." Rather than the old way of thinking that the mind is what the brain does, now, it is more like the mind is the controller of the brain. Imagine that there is a cloud of possibilities - words, memories, ideas, images - from which your brain can choose at every moment. One of these possibilities becomes an actuality in the brain. Like the quantum field which has been scientifically proven to generate real particles from virtual ones, the mind generates real brain activity from possible or virtual activity.
Quantum physics is proving to have many new mind blowing (pun intended) discoveries which are totally rewriting our understanding of the basic principles of our world and universe. Lynn McTaggert's book The Field totally altered my perception of reality. There is growing evidence to suggest that, in fact, we do all share the same mind field. Think of prodigies like Mozart or savants who can tell what day of the week November 16th falls on in the year 2135.
No physical process has been identified through which memories are transferred from neurons which die naturally every day to new neurons in the brain. Perhaps memories exist and persist on a nonphysical level. This would also explain, how someone can relay what dead Uncle George has to say from the beyond and other phenomenon such as distant seeing and mind reading. OK, is this too far out for ya yet?
We can use CAT scans and MRIs to show the activity of the brain, but that does not prove that the mind arises in the brain. These are maps showing the terrain of the brain as a thought or emotion crosses it. Deepak Chopra says in his book Life After Death "They don't prove that the brain IS the mind any more than a footprint in the sand is the same as the foot."
I see my recovery as a matter of getting my equipment to better receive and express the signal of me which has always been there strong and clear. I have gone from a crackly, antiquated radio like Grandpa used to have to an iPod coming through some Blaupankt speakers, and I keep upgrading.
Let's see if I can even try to explain this. Even though huge chunks of my my personality were missing and my mental processes were all messed up as well as some of my physical functioning, my spirit or soul or essence or whatever you want to call it was always in tact and fully aware. It was never damaged or injured in any way and remained whole. As a matter of fact, it became stronger and more defined as my ego and physical self became less imposing.
I recall wondering to myself "What part of me is observing me?" It was as though some other me was watching the new pitiful, damaged me in a very unattached and objective manner with almost no emotional reaction, but lots of compassion. Freaky. To actually look at myself kindly instead of picking apart and criticizing my every move was totally new for me.
I was brain damaged, but in some way I was deeper and more thoughtful. The injury had actually slowed my mind which had constantly raced most of the time before like a Jack Russell forever, tirelessly chasing its tail round and round in circles. Now, it was more like the old, fat, hound dog who can barely muster the energy to get up and waddle somewhere not too far only to plop down again.
I surely would not have been a winner on "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?," but I did have the presence somehow to challenge the well known "I think; therefore, I am." While I wasn't thinking all that great, I still knew that "I" was, and that "I" was not impaired.
I have often thought that recovering from my brain injury was the painstakingly slow process of coming back into my body. I even remember telling my brother "I came back in body this week," after a week especially filled with lots of the "tinglies" of nerves coming back on board and deciding to work again.
Although it may sound kind of twilight zone-ish, I now think that I actually wasn't too far off. Traditionally, we have thought that the brain must be the source of the mind. This is similar to insisting that a radio is the source of the music which comes from it. It may seem important that the brain is active during thought, but then a radio is also active during a broadcast.
Quantum physics is confirming that there is a field of energy everywhere called "The Zero Point Field." Rather than the old way of thinking that the mind is what the brain does, now, it is more like the mind is the controller of the brain. Imagine that there is a cloud of possibilities - words, memories, ideas, images - from which your brain can choose at every moment. One of these possibilities becomes an actuality in the brain. Like the quantum field which has been scientifically proven to generate real particles from virtual ones, the mind generates real brain activity from possible or virtual activity.
Quantum physics is proving to have many new mind blowing (pun intended) discoveries which are totally rewriting our understanding of the basic principles of our world and universe. Lynn McTaggert's book The Field totally altered my perception of reality. There is growing evidence to suggest that, in fact, we do all share the same mind field. Think of prodigies like Mozart or savants who can tell what day of the week November 16th falls on in the year 2135.
No physical process has been identified through which memories are transferred from neurons which die naturally every day to new neurons in the brain. Perhaps memories exist and persist on a nonphysical level. This would also explain, how someone can relay what dead Uncle George has to say from the beyond and other phenomenon such as distant seeing and mind reading. OK, is this too far out for ya yet?
We can use CAT scans and MRIs to show the activity of the brain, but that does not prove that the mind arises in the brain. These are maps showing the terrain of the brain as a thought or emotion crosses it. Deepak Chopra says in his book Life After Death "They don't prove that the brain IS the mind any more than a footprint in the sand is the same as the foot."
I see my recovery as a matter of getting my equipment to better receive and express the signal of me which has always been there strong and clear. I have gone from a crackly, antiquated radio like Grandpa used to have to an iPod coming through some Blaupankt speakers, and I keep upgrading.
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